It's not too big!

People sometimes ask me how I maintain such a positive attitude in the face of this deployment. I usually look over my shoulder to see who the heck they're talking to, and then when I realize they mean me, respond, "I play with dolls. Voodoo dolls of every member of Congress." It's a great stress reliever!

But honestly, I have to give props to my daily walk with my dog. I don't really push myself physically - it's not like I jog or anything. But that's mainly because I have a hard time staying upright when I'm LAUGHING SO HARD.

In my defense, part of my brain is still missing.

Yesterday the mothership of all headaches crashed landed into the back of my head and search and rescue had to go looking for my brains under all the debris. It was messy. And incapacitating. Ergo, no picture.

Today, miracle of all miracles, THE SUN CAME OUT. I know! I was so excited that I packed the dog into the car and raced downtown to hang out in the sluice-ways of mud (formerly known as sidewalks) with the rest of the town. And forgot to check my camera for the memory card. But rather than drop the ball two days in a row (which makes it hard to keep track of which day I'm on) I'll just post a picture I took last week, and we'll pretend it's from today, okay? No? Not okay? Well, tough, it's my blog.

This is the head of a stone fountain in a park not far from where I live. I had to get right up on this sucker before I could figure out that was an upturned face. Pretty grotesque, really.

Bright Spot.

This is either a new school or a new wing to the old school that it sits next door to. (He he. "Old school.") It was completed last year. I love the bright colors in the snow. Behind this building sits a couple of fields that in the summer grow wheat and it's symbiotic little sidekick, red poppies. I can't wait to see that landscape!

It's still snowing.

And I hate it a little more EVERY DAY. Which has absolutely nothing to do with this picture, I just felt like getting that out there.

Happy New Year

I hereby renew my effort to post a picture EVERY DANG DAY!

Yes, I know I'm a day late for new year's resolutions - the irony is not lost on me, I assure you.

It's so hard when the sun has been in what seems like permanent exile - everything is gray, gray, GRAY. And photography is supposed to be about writing with light, right? NOT VERY INSPIRING, MOTHER NATURE.

I imagine this means even more reliance on my reluctant (or oblivious, as the case may be) models, Heidi and Ro.

Do you mind? I'm eating.

Almost forgot that I took this today! I've been trying to get in the habit of packing the small camera every time I leave the house and was rewarded for my efforts this morning on my way to check our mail box.

Gah! Make it STOP.

You know the snow is bad when you'd rather walk than dig out your car.

57/365

These trees are in a park just across the street from our housing area. To be honest, I don't think about them much in the summer time, but they sure are impressive with all that snow on them!

People fatigue.

You know what kind of weather I hate? Flurries. What the hell is the point of flurries, Mother Nature?? Big, fluffy, dry snowflakes are pretty. Tiny, nearly-invisible ice-daggers that kamikaze past your eyelashes into your eyeballs are NOT SO MUCH.

It was so cold this morning when I took the dog out that my jeans started to hurt on my legs. 17 degrees is not for wimps, and I, apparently, am a HUGE WIMP. But Heidi had already been cooped up two days without relief on account of the weather and she was about to dig a tunnel under the door in desperation. The cold doesn't seem to bother her. I think the fires of her crazy keep her warm.

I really would have liked for R to be home today. First, I would have looked forward to him trying to talk me out of going outside at all. Then I would have resented the fact that he didn't offer to take the dog out for me. The resentment would thaw, however, with the cup of hot coffee and warm body he offered me upon my return. Then Heidi would try to crawl in our laps and she'd be so adorable with the puppy eyes and he with the ear-fondling and doggie-speak and I'd forget that there was such a thing as "cold."

It seems like the busier my schedule gets - the more interaction with the Army community at large required of me - the lonelier I get. Or, if not lonelier, more sensitive. It's like every conversation I have, every phone call I have to make, every person I smile at in passing becomes this little tear in my psyche, all adding up to a gaping wound until I just want to hide under the covers for a week to heal. Not exactly the kind of upbeat, positive attitude I'm supposed to be exhibiting as (jazz hands:) FRG co-leader!

One of the ways I miss R the most is for his ability to appreciate my susceptibility to social fatigue. Which is truly one of the greatest things about him, because he doesn't suffer the same. Oh sure, he gets tired of people, needs a little bit of solitude to regroup, but by and large he's a social creature. The act of interacting with people past his limits doesn't hurt him like it does me. And yet, he's perfected the art of being still - emotionally, physically and intellectually - around me when I need it, but still being there.

That skill of his is what allows my optimism to shine through. Without it, I just feel bombarded until I hate the idea of people, let alone having to interact with them. It doesn't help that the intense cold and upcoming holidays put me in hibernation mode.

54 out of 365. It's too soon for me to be feeling this way.

I always thought she ate them on purpose.

Wistful

Heidi and I left early for our walk this morning.

It was quiet, foggy, cold.

It's days like this when I think it'll break my heart a little to leave.

White bday.

Hey! What the heck, man?! I did not. Order. Snow. ON MY BIRTHDAY!

First Snow