This will be here until somebody knocks it down in a drunken Fasching haze.

We took the Christmas decorations down this weekend. Usually, I'm itching to take them down the day after Christmas, but we didn't have many up this year and nothing that was in the way, as a tree seems to be after the presents are put away. Also, Germans keep celebrating the Christmas season right up until Fasching in February, so there are still decorations scattered about town.

Case in point:

Found this as I walked the dog around downtown Schweinfurt today. Everything is closed on Sunday, and that makes for a nice stroll when the sun is out - which it totally was today!! To tell the truth, I'm relieved the holidays are over. Ro did a fantastic job of keeping the holiday spirit around, but I could tell she was trying extra hard because I was... uh... not trying as hard. I wouldn't go so far as to say "sulking," but definitely not feelin' it.

With the weather taking a break from the doom and gloom, and the holidays safely tucked away in their boxes in the basement, I can start focusing on 2011 and all the awesome stuff that is going to happen this year. Awesome, expensive stuff - but totally worth it!

It's not too big!

People sometimes ask me how I maintain such a positive attitude in the face of this deployment. I usually look over my shoulder to see who the heck they're talking to, and then when I realize they mean me, respond, "I play with dolls. Voodoo dolls of every member of Congress." It's a great stress reliever!

But honestly, I have to give props to my daily walk with my dog. I don't really push myself physically - it's not like I jog or anything. But that's mainly because I have a hard time staying upright when I'm LAUGHING SO HARD.

In my defense, part of my brain is still missing.

Yesterday the mothership of all headaches crashed landed into the back of my head and search and rescue had to go looking for my brains under all the debris. It was messy. And incapacitating. Ergo, no picture.

Today, miracle of all miracles, THE SUN CAME OUT. I know! I was so excited that I packed the dog into the car and raced downtown to hang out in the sluice-ways of mud (formerly known as sidewalks) with the rest of the town. And forgot to check my camera for the memory card. But rather than drop the ball two days in a row (which makes it hard to keep track of which day I'm on) I'll just post a picture I took last week, and we'll pretend it's from today, okay? No? Not okay? Well, tough, it's my blog.

This is the head of a stone fountain in a park not far from where I live. I had to get right up on this sucker before I could figure out that was an upturned face. Pretty grotesque, really.

Bright Spot.

This is either a new school or a new wing to the old school that it sits next door to. (He he. "Old school.") It was completed last year. I love the bright colors in the snow. Behind this building sits a couple of fields that in the summer grow wheat and it's symbiotic little sidekick, red poppies. I can't wait to see that landscape!

It's still snowing.

And I hate it a little more EVERY DAY. Which has absolutely nothing to do with this picture, I just felt like getting that out there.

Happy New Year

I hereby renew my effort to post a picture EVERY DANG DAY!

Yes, I know I'm a day late for new year's resolutions - the irony is not lost on me, I assure you.

It's so hard when the sun has been in what seems like permanent exile - everything is gray, gray, GRAY. And photography is supposed to be about writing with light, right? NOT VERY INSPIRING, MOTHER NATURE.

I imagine this means even more reliance on my reluctant (or oblivious, as the case may be) models, Heidi and Ro.

Do you mind? I'm eating.

Almost forgot that I took this today! I've been trying to get in the habit of packing the small camera every time I leave the house and was rewarded for my efforts this morning on my way to check our mail box.

57/365

These trees are in a park just across the street from our housing area. To be honest, I don't think about them much in the summer time, but they sure are impressive with all that snow on them!

People fatigue.

You know what kind of weather I hate? Flurries. What the hell is the point of flurries, Mother Nature?? Big, fluffy, dry snowflakes are pretty. Tiny, nearly-invisible ice-daggers that kamikaze past your eyelashes into your eyeballs are NOT SO MUCH.

It was so cold this morning when I took the dog out that my jeans started to hurt on my legs. 17 degrees is not for wimps, and I, apparently, am a HUGE WIMP. But Heidi had already been cooped up two days without relief on account of the weather and she was about to dig a tunnel under the door in desperation. The cold doesn't seem to bother her. I think the fires of her crazy keep her warm.

I really would have liked for R to be home today. First, I would have looked forward to him trying to talk me out of going outside at all. Then I would have resented the fact that he didn't offer to take the dog out for me. The resentment would thaw, however, with the cup of hot coffee and warm body he offered me upon my return. Then Heidi would try to crawl in our laps and she'd be so adorable with the puppy eyes and he with the ear-fondling and doggie-speak and I'd forget that there was such a thing as "cold."

It seems like the busier my schedule gets - the more interaction with the Army community at large required of me - the lonelier I get. Or, if not lonelier, more sensitive. It's like every conversation I have, every phone call I have to make, every person I smile at in passing becomes this little tear in my psyche, all adding up to a gaping wound until I just want to hide under the covers for a week to heal. Not exactly the kind of upbeat, positive attitude I'm supposed to be exhibiting as (jazz hands:) FRG co-leader!

One of the ways I miss R the most is for his ability to appreciate my susceptibility to social fatigue. Which is truly one of the greatest things about him, because he doesn't suffer the same. Oh sure, he gets tired of people, needs a little bit of solitude to regroup, but by and large he's a social creature. The act of interacting with people past his limits doesn't hurt him like it does me. And yet, he's perfected the art of being still - emotionally, physically and intellectually - around me when I need it, but still being there.

That skill of his is what allows my optimism to shine through. Without it, I just feel bombarded until I hate the idea of people, let alone having to interact with them. It doesn't help that the intense cold and upcoming holidays put me in hibernation mode.

54 out of 365. It's too soon for me to be feeling this way.

Wistful

Heidi and I left early for our walk this morning.

It was quiet, foggy, cold.

It's days like this when I think it'll break my heart a little to leave.

White bday.

Hey! What the heck, man?! I did not. Order. Snow. ON MY BIRTHDAY!

Christmasmarkt beginnt!

First Snow

The other side of pastoral.

Pastoral

One of my regular walks with Heidi features this old farmhouse. You'd think I'd be bored after walking the dog past it about 25,000 times, but in the spring and summer, the house is completely hidden by the amount of foliage those trees bust out. So in reality, I've only seen it about 3,000 times and, much like German beer, German farmhouses don't get boring until after at least seven in one night.

*ahem*

That analogy doesn't work at all, does it? What I mean to say is, this many-windowed charmer is still enchanting and I will miss it when we're gone.

Holdin' on

Not so burning bush.

Still trying to play catch up. Something is desperately wrong with the Deutchland portal to Yahoo and Flickr, and sometimes Blogger. It's maddening. But also, there is the fact that "trying to stay busy" has somehow morphed into "OMG-the world is spinning too fast! Make it stop!" But unfortunately I set myself on this speeding bullet of personal projects, FRG madness AND GUESS WHAT?! The housework still doesn't do itself! What the heck, man?

9

I finally got to talk to R last night.

Pffft. Listen to me, "finally." When he deployed in 2003, it took two months to get my first letter and I thought that was awesome! Of course, we weren't married then, so perhaps my perspective was somewhat different. The other thing that skews my perspective this time is living in Europe. "Down range" is no longer halfway across the world, and in fact is only ahead by a single time zone. It feels closer and quite frankly I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. On the one hand, logistically he could be back home in a couple of hours, but in practice he's as unreachable as the moon.

Took Heidi on a long, meandering walk this morning. Bright fall colors have begun to darken to that charcoal gray grunge look, but this tree is hanging onto its red. These spots reminded me of something utterly alien to northern Europe - as though a bit of Africa had set up shop beside the river. I spent several minutes observing it from different angles, and this shot is my favorite. Very straight forward and direct, which is an acurate reflection of how I'm feeling today.

Day Five

Ugh! Only five days in and I already dropped a day! I really let yesterday get away from me. Started out strong and goal-oriented, but didn't take care of myself and burnt out by noon. I have a little stretch routine I try to do first thing upon waking up - usually right there in the bed, but now that R is gone, I've moved the furniture to have floor space in the living room. Yesterday, not only did I skip the stretching, I pretty much forgot to hydrate after my bagel and two cups of coffee. Yeah. No wonder I crashed at noon and woke up three hours later with a massive headache. The lesson here is not to be so focused on my to do list that I forget the everyday stuff!

Speaking of everyday stuff, I took Heidi out to our favorite walking route this morning and was rewarded with a 20 minute break in the cloud cover, allowing the low, streaking autumn sunrise through. Really magnificent.

Triptych feather

The only thing I can think about when I look at this picture is the old joke:

Erotic is using the feather,

Kinky is using the whole bird.

I guess leaves aren't the only thing that fall in autumn. A flock of pigeons were picking over a recently harvested corn field this morning. Heidi chased them off and dozens of these feathers were left behind.